On being our own mothers

Baby Satya framedToday I framed this baby Satya, so she can sit on the bookshelf just to the right of my desk.

I am slowly getting better at looking after the little Satya that is still inside me. For years I didn’t listen to her. I ignored her fear when I was out of my depth, and I didn’t realise how tired she got when I strove forwards.

I closed my ears to her because her feelings were inconvenient, or they didn’t match the idea I liked about myself. I shut out her sadness or anger because I don’t like to feel sad or angry. She’d been shut away for a long time, and when her feelings burst through, the strength of them could be too intense for me.

These days, I remember to ask her how she’s doing more often. Sometimes she tells me that she wants more fun, or that she needs me to avoid people for an afternoon. Sometimes when I’m ambivalent about a decision, she tells me ‘no’. Sometimes she’s upset and I don’t know why, and so I just give her a cuddle for a while.

It helps.

How is the little version of you doing? How often do you check in with it? What would it like you to do right now?

Sending a hug to all the little people inside us. May we be better mothers and fathers to ourselves. As we learn how to care for our little people, we have more and more love to give away.